Cheating
How does someone cheat when they are running alone? After all, who would I be cheating? It’s not as though I’m fudging points, holding a receiver, or taking a flop to draw a phantom foul that doesn’t exist.
A runner cheats when they turn back earlier than planned, when they record “extra” miles, or faster miles in their running journal than truly happened. A runner cheats when they know they should do 18 miles on a long run, but only does 14.
I love running in extremes. I’ve had my Camel Back freeze in February, and I’ve suffered heat exhaustion twice. My biggest temptation to cheat is when it get’s so hot I’ve got to walk to cool down, but end up walking further than I really needed to or told myself I would. Only I know when I’ve cheated. I know when I haven’t done the miles I wanted, or the workout I had planned. Come race day I’ve noticed two things happen when I’ve been cheating. As I line up to run, there’s a nagging insecurity in my gut that I’m unprepared and I second-guess my race strategy. If not before the race, then when I’m hitting mile 22 of 26 I remember the days I had skimped back miles. In those moments, I know I’ve cheated myself.
Cheating happens when I don’t keep the promises I’ve made to myself. Does that mean it’s cheating when I am at mile 8 of 10 and feel like I’m dying, then with a half mile left I’m somehow able to surge and finish strong? Had I been cheating the previous 91/2 miles, holding out on myself and not running with as much effort as thought? I've often heard runners say things that would lead me to believe that when they walk they are cheating. Sometimes that is the case, but what about times I need to walk, is that cheating too? I've decided that if I stop my watch to not reflect the walking, that's cheating. If I stop entirely and sit, that's cheating. As long as I keep moving I don't feel like I'm cheating. As long as I'm walking as planned or as truly needed, then I'm not cheating. When I quit I'm not running.
Theologians would call this a sin of omission. It means I’ve failed to do something that I should have. Moralists, tell us this happens when I don’t take advantage of an opportunity to love someone, or I refrained from generosity when the opportunity presented itself. Other times omission means I’ve rebelled in something that was unaware to me, but it’s still rebellion against God or neighbor. Kinda like when I bonk mid-run then somehow finish strong. The omission was not knowing myself well enough to know I was actually mentally screwing myself over with the lie that I was done and close to death when in fact I just wanted to walk. I omitted from my mind the fact that I was actually doing better than I desired to admit in the moment of tiredness, and chose instead to lie to myself.
By contrast, theologians say Sins of Commission happen when I know I am in a moment of cheating or lying and do it anyway. A friend of mine occasionally cheats by staying in bed and sleeping an extra hour, foregoing their workout. It’s when I’m supposed to do speed work and decide instead to do an easy three. If I take into account omission and commission, then I cheat more than I would like to admit. Running long distances by myself reveals who I am like few other things. I’ve discovered in life, only hardship or time alone reveals who I am as profoundly. Perhaps that’s why a purposeful, goal oriented season of training shows the actual integrity I possess or lack. It’s hard and I’m alone as I pursue it. No one is making sure I am recording the correct number of miles, skipping a day or two, walking, turning back early, or easing up when I know I’ve got a lot more in the tank.
Like any log run, who I really am is revealed when I’m by myself… When I’m on a business trip and can choose to watch channels I would never watch if I was at home… When I’ve had one or two, and know that three would be too many and can choose in that moment to have self-control … When I decide if I’m going to keep secrets, or am I going to be genuine and not just put on my best face… Like a Saturday afternoon long run, life has a way of showing me who I really am.
Drawing from recent experience, the more you cheat, the easier it becomes to cheat again, and again, and again. Although recent experience comes from falling out of a running regimen, there could be endless parallels in life as well. Sleeping through one morning of running only seems to leave me less motivated for my day and satisfied with myself - much like the shame that follows cheating in life. I could not have said that better myself!
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